Im up ! Zzz. Went to my friend`s house to gamble ytd and im fucking lucky bcos i won over $40 in just a few rds of black jack and i was the banker. Hahs. The previous day @ my uncle`s house i also kept winning & winning.. guess im uber lucky now. I came back home at 3+ am and slept at 4am and now im up. Dont know why i cant sleep much nowadays. ;x

About marcus, all i have to say is that im super disappointed in everything he has for me. His love, care and everything. All i wanted from him ytd was his concern, asking me not to go out so late in the night, and he said smth like ' Its your fren, you wanna go den go lor' so i just went lor ! I really dont understand wtf is going thru his mind now, will he really be happy if i go with another guy? He is so fucking fickle-minded, he doesnt know who he wants. I guess he just wants the best of both worlds. I am already letting go of everything he has done to hurt me and have stooped down just to ask him back but yet he isnt touched. Should i just walk away and show him that he will haf nothing else to fall back on if im not there or should i stand there and tell him i`ll always be catching him when he falls? Its not like i do not know any guys now, in fact, i know alot of guys now but yet, none of them can make me happy and wad i am talking to them about the whole day is all about marcus. I really hope and pray to god that someday, marcus will come to realise that im the one who really loves him the most bcos im sure that NO ONE else will love marcus as much as i do. Even at this point of time, how badly he is treating me, so many pple are asking me to let go, but i just dont want to bcos i believe that marcus still has feelings for me. I dont want to believe and i choose not to believe that he doesnt love me anymore. I dont mind restarting everything again, i dont mind making him fall in love with me again but i cant bcos he refuses to meet me, he refuses to talk to me. I dont see why he doesnt want to, its not like im the one doing anything wrong. I really wonder why guys can never be satisfied with one good gf.. Am i really not good enough? Hais.. the 26th is coming and if we were still tgt, it would be our one year 11 mth anniversary. Hais.. Fuck that.

你将我的心打结, 丢在人挤人的街. 那一幕你捧着她的脸, 却希望那是我的幻觉. 我还不愿相信是爱情的终结...

不否认我心里不能平衡, 不否认我对你失去的不只信任, 还有容忍,不速之客爱着伤我的人.

不否认我心里不能平衡,不否认我对你还有一点的心疼,你不爱了,我却无法把你当敌人..

I might be going out ltr. Sayos!